Red Devils
Aug 23rd, 2008 by David
PETER Is the baby in the daddy?
MARY The baby is in the daddy’s peepee.
PAUL My peepee has peepee coming out of it how does that make babies?
MARY The baby is in the peepee.
PAUL The daddy peepees in the mummy.
MARY Where does the peepee go?
PAUL In the mummy’s hole.
PETER What hole?
PAUL The bottom hole.
MARY The daddy is full of babies.
PETER There are as many babies as the mummy wants in the daddy.
MARY Why does’t the daddy have the baby?
PETER He gives it to the mummy.
MARY The mummies are nicer.
PAUL Does the baby shit?
MARY All the shit comes out of the baby.
PETER Does the mummy shit in the baby?
MARY Yes. The baby is full of the mummy’s shit.
PAUL And then it comes out of the baby.
PETER Onto the ground.
MARY That’s at the beginning - when the baby is out of the mummy the mummy can’t shit in the baby.
PETER The mummy’s shit goes on the ground.
MARY And the baby’s shit goes on the ground.
PAUL Is the ground covered in shit?
MARY That’s what the ground is.
PETER The ground is all the shit that has come out.
MARY People wear shoes because of that. Because the shit can go up through your feet.
PETER The ground is a big shit. Done by all the people ever.
PAUL Before people was the earth a big shit?
PETER Yes. It was a very big shit in space. In the stars.
MARY And people came along and did their shit on it.
PETER Then the daddy comes along.
MARY He says “Put your shoes on! Can’t you see the shit?”
PAUL And of course they do. They put them on.
MARY And the daddy says “We better have some money.” And out he goes to get some.
PAUL Like this.
HE WALKS ACROSS THE SPACE IN AN ORDINARY WAY.
PETER Or like this.
HE WALKS ACROSS THE SPACE IN AN ORDINARY WAY.
MARY The daddies meet each other.
PETER (TO PAUL) Are you getting some money?
PAUL We need it to get food and clothes for my wife and the little baby.
PETER I do too.
PAUL Do you have a boss?
PETER I certainly do.
PAUL I have one.
PETER My boss pays me for doing things.
PAUL Yes.
PETER Yes.
MARY What’s his name?
PAUL Mister Something.
PETER Something like that.
MARY The women meet each other.
PAUL I’d like to do that.
PETER I’m in touch with my feminine side.
PAUL So. Is there a lot of shit that you have to get rid of?
MARY It’s everywhere. From out of the baby, of course.
PAUL Doesn’t it half stink?
MARY It’s fucking smelly.
PETER We’ll be getting some money soon.
MARY It gets rid of shit well.
PETER We keep it in a box.
MARY The shit?
PETER The money.
MARY People might take it.
PETER Well, yes.
PAUL I wish they’d take the shit.
PETER There are pipes.
MARY Are they long?
PETER Long enough. Right away from you and the baby and the house.