Red Devils
Aug 23rd, 2008 by David
PETER Did you fuck him?
MARY I fucking hope not!
PAUL RUSHES TO THE BLOOD-FILLED DRAWER. HE WITHDRAWS ANOTHER BUNCH OF PAPERS.
PAUL Look! These are affidavits and testimonies!
PETER They had better be substantial!
PAUL Fuck off, Peter! What do you know?
MARY Paul, you must tell me! are you John?
PAUL These affidavits will settle the matter! Of course I am not John! John was brutally murdered after brutally murdering his very own wife! Look - here is the murder certificate and affidavit.
HE THRUSTS AN AFFIDAVIT AT HER. SHE TAKES IT AND STUDIES IT.
MARY Paul! this appears to suggest that you are not John but his son by the woman with whom he took up after repellently taking the life of my mother.
PETER Isabel.
MARY Yes, my mother was Isabel.
PETER Thus, Mary, Paul as we have come to know him is none other than…
MARY My half-brother!
PETER Did you fuck him?
MARY Have you seen him?
PETER He’s right beside you.
MARY Would you fuck that?
PETER I am not that way, Mary, as you know.
PAUL Have you been banging my sister, Peter?
MARY Half-sister.
PETER Maybe I have maybe I haven’t.
MARY Make your mind up.
PAUL Look, Peter, okay, so the war didn’t exist that I went off to. But who knew? I went in good faith. I really thought there was one. It fucking felt like it.
PETER Sounds to me as if you routinely confuse the inner with the outer, Paul. Nothing personal. You div.
PAUL Are you saying I’m several stamps short of a collection?
PETER It may be that you are a number of biscuits short of a proper asssortment.
PAUL MOVES TOWARDS THE BLOOD-FILLED DRAWER.
PAUL I have testimonials here that indicate I’m as sane as they come.
PETER INTERCEPTS HIM.
PETER Not so fast!
(PETER GOES TO THE DRAWER AND PULLS IT ALL THE WAY OUT. SEVERAL GALLONS OF BLOOD HIT THE DECK.)
What do you call this?
(PETER INVERTS THE DRAWER TO SHOW THAT IT IS EMPTY THEN RUNS HIS HANDS THROUGH THE GORE ON THE FLOOR, SEARCHING FOR ANYTHING THAT MIGHT HAVE FALLEN OUT.)
Not a testimonial to be seen! How sane do you feel now, Bobby?
PAUL Peter, there’s something you should know.
PETER What is it, Mister Bonkers?
PAUL When my father conspired to kill Mary’s mother Isabel in order that he might share a pillow with Patricia…
PETER Your mother.
PAUL Yes, Patricia was my mother. My father was only able to do this because of the support he received from Mary’s uncle.
MARY Colin.
PETER Your uncle was Colin. But…
PAUL Yes, Peter! Mary’s murdered mother’s brother helped my father who was also her father to murder his sister who was also our father’s wife and the mother of Mary.
PETER But…
MARY Hang on, Paul. Colin was Patricia’s brother. My mother didn’t have a brother.
PAUL Yeah, right, exactly. Colin. Colin helped my father kill your mother so that my father could bang his sister. That’s it.
PETER Colin was my father.
MARY What does that make you?
PETER His son.
MARY No. What else?
PETER Something to do with Paul?
MARY Yeah.
PETER I’m his uncle?
MARY For fuck’s sake.
PETER We’re cousins.
MARY Right. Get it right.
PETER Can I fuck you?
MARY Now?
PETER In theory.
PAUL She’s your cousin, you bumpkin.
PETER We’e all cousins.
MARY You’re such a fucking cock, Peter! Me and Paul are half-sisters and brothers. Why don’t you listen?
PETER Why should I have to listen? You should just be able to know, shouldn’t you?
PAUL How would you know? You haven’t got X-ray eyes.
PETER They wouldn’t help.
PAUL So how do you tell?
PETER How do I fucking know? I asked first.
MARY (TO PETER) Anyway, you fucked me.
PAUL You fucked this cunt?
MARY I’ll fuck who I fucking want. Fuck off.
PAUL That can’t be right. What if you had a baby? Where would it come out?
PETER The arse. That’s what happens when you fuck family.
MARY Does it hurt?
PETER It makes your eyes water.
MARY What about the baby?
PAUL The baby would be wise and sad.
PETER It would be empty. Everything would strike it but it would be solid all the way through - no organs. Just like wood. Or wax.
PAUL It could be beautiful. Looking at the world. Trying to be itself. Not having anything inside.
MARY The baby would touch you and you would want world peace. It would smile and your nerves would all go off at once.
PETER It would shine in the world.
PAUL Things would happen to it, it would move along. But it wouldn’t have a ghost, it wouldn’t be haunted.
MARY Her little hands out. All going on. Nothing hurting. Not belonging. In the centre.
THE CARETAKERS LEAD THE ACTORS TO THE WASHING AREA. THEY THROW BUCKETS OF WARM WATER OVER THEM AND THE YOUNG MEN WASH THEM.
NEARBY, THE INTERPRETERS DANCE UNDER A SPOTLIGHT, SLOWLY WITH SLIGHT SMILES.
THE ACTORS ARE WRAPPED IN DRESSING GOWNS. THEY WALK OUT, ESCORTED BY THE CARETAKERS.
THE YOUNG MEN GO TO DANCE WITH THE INTERPRETERS.
THE SPOTLIGHT SLOWLY FADES TO BLACK.